hmm this is my first time blogging so yeah, this is all pretty new obviously.
But anyway here it all goes.
Today i took another look at my past relationships, in doing so i came to realise all the wanted was the sex.
For instance, Chris he told me everything i waned to hear.I was completely intoxicated, he it all well at least i thought he did. He has a flash car, central city apartment, high paying job, pretty cute. Border line Mr right, which was probably why every time he stood me up, broke my heart, all the bad stories i heard, i ignored it all and welcomed him back with open arms time after time…
I think i truly did love him… Some how he made me feel special, so surreal every moment like a dream.
Then there was Quin, he was nice or so it seemed.After about a week I came to realise he just wanted sex,sex,sex. Even though he said he wanted much more, he said he wanted romance a long term relationship. Now that i put more thought into it, i think i really do hate hate him.
Sometimes being nice is hard, but hopefully one day i’ll make some sort of change in the world because of it.
Now for how i feel towards life.
Some how it feels like something really big is missing although i can’t really place my finger on it. I just look around everyday and notice how happy everyone else is and i just can’t help but wonder why am i not that happy.
Every night before i fall asleep the question looms inside my head… Who am i, really?..Where did the me i once knew fade off to…
Another question that i just can’t stop thinking about is, who will i become. Will i find a way to express myself? Or will i just forever be in the background, always be “that girl”
It sometimes feels as if i am losing m grip on reality… Fading ino the crowded destine to be a no body forver…. </3